Liverfool new signings

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PINKY
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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by PINKY » Wed Jan 12, 2011 11:01 pm

.............. :lol: :lol: :lol: somebody pinch me :wink:

not so 'super' kenny........love it.
atb
pinky

Paul Keller
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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by Paul Keller » Thu Jan 13, 2011 9:23 am

There you go !
One minute i'm laughing my socks off at Gerrard,
the next, the whole football club wanna get in on the act and now i'm
really laughing my socks off at them all !
Does that mean that Dogleash must be about ready to resign again ??
Many congratulations Yammy, really pleased for you !
Then it's Trooper this, an Trooper that
And Trooper how's yer soul?
But it's "Hawks are bloody 'ero's"
When the tanks began to roll!

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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by 27 » Thu Jan 13, 2011 10:59 am

Jesus satisfied 5000 with 5 loaves and 2 fishes, Ian Holloway has satisfied millions with 11 tangerines. :lol: :lol: :lol:


27,
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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by PINKY » Thu Mar 10, 2011 10:53 pm

that good they can't beat a second rate portugal team,thats because there cup final was last weekend !
makes me larf....... :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by Paul Keller » Fri Mar 18, 2011 7:54 am

35 million for a hippy looking Geordie pudding !!!!
£350 more like !!!
The legend of the "Fat Spanish Waiter" lives on !!!!
Then it's Trooper this, an Trooper that
And Trooper how's yer soul?
But it's "Hawks are bloody 'ero's"
When the tanks began to roll!

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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by PINKY » Mon Aug 08, 2011 11:35 am

THE AFGHAN FOOTBALLER

The Liverpool FC manager flies to Kabul to watch a Young Afghani play football, is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over.

Several months later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Chelsea with only 20 minutes left, the manager gives the young Afghani striker the nod and on he goes.

The lad is a sensation, scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.

When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.

'Hello mum, guess what?' he says 'I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me.'

'Wonderful,' says his mum, 'Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such a great time.'

The young lad is very upset. 'What can I say mum, but I'm really sorry.'

'Sorry?! Sorry?!' says his mum, 'It's your fault we came to Liverpool in the first place!'

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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by 27 » Thu Sep 08, 2011 10:41 am

Andy Carroll puts England disappointment behind him to concentrate on Liverpool disappointment

Andy Carroll: He's good with his head

Liverpool striker Andy Carroll has vowed to drink less than his team-mates in a bid to get his career back on track.

The former Newcastle United hitman was warned by England boss Fabio Capello that to make it to the top he “needs to drink less than the others.”

Carroll, 22, has taken the criticism on board and yesterday asked all his Liverpool team-mates if they’d like to “hit the town and drink one more lager than me.”

England skipper John Terry has been quick to offer words of support for the forward.

He said: “He’s a young player at a very big club with a really good future and he’s still got to enjoy his time away from football and I’m sure he will.

“And the more he keeps hitting the headlines for boozing and fighting, the more it deflects from England’s shit performances and my shagging exploits.”

Anfield boss Kenny Dalglish, who has used Carroll sparingly in recent weeks, said he feared for the striker’s future.

He said: “If he continues to drink to excess, get in bother with the police and put it about with the ladies, there is a real danger he could end up as England captain. And I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.” :lol: :lol: :lol:


27,
YOU SIGN PHIL JONES :-( :-( :-( WE SIGN KUN AGUERO :-) :-) :-)
C.T.I.D. :-) :-) :-) ⓜⓒⓕⓒ I WAS THERE WHEN WE WERE SHIT ¿? ¿? ¿?

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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by PINKY » Mon Sep 19, 2011 9:17 pm

Taxi for Mr.Dalglish........ :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by 27 » Sat Dec 24, 2011 10:16 am

Liverpool disappointed as FA hand Andy Carroll eight-match run in Liverpool side

Liverpool fans have revealed their disappointment after the Football Association handed Andy Carroll an eight-match run in the starting eleven because Luis Suarez was found guilty of racially abusing Manchester United’s Patrice Evra.

Carroll, who cost the club around ten times his actual value, has made the majority of his appearances from the subs bench, but with Suarez suspended he could be handed the opportunity to be completely ineffectual right from the start of the next eight fixtures.

The club, who currently sit sixth in the Premier League, released a statement expressing their disappointment with the FA’s decision.

“Liverpool Football Club is very surprised and disappointed with the decision of the Football Association commission to allow Andy Carroll such a large amount of time on the pitch.”

“Kenny likes to use Andy as a non-impact sub, but this unprecedented decision could see games passing Andy by for the full ninety minutes, rather than just the last fifteen.”

Critics of the decision have insisted that being forced to play Andy Carroll for what could amount to two months is a punishment that simply does not fit the crime.

“It’s not like Suarez killed anyone, is it? If he had, I could sort of understand such draconian measures,” said fan Simon Matthews.

The club are currently considering an appeal, but are wary of further sanctions after rumours appeared suggesting a lost appeal could result in the FA forcing the club to re-sign David N’Gog or Emily Heskey and play them instead.

A PFA spokesperson said they were pleased with the result of the commission, and claimed it moved them one step closer to their goal of all footballer abuse being directly related to nothing other than their utterly detestable personalities. :lol: :lol: :lol:
397481_312446392121303_100000678334581_996600_1762900743_n.jpg
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27,
YOU SIGN PHIL JONES :-( :-( :-( WE SIGN KUN AGUERO :-) :-) :-)
C.T.I.D. :-) :-) :-) ⓜⓒⓕⓒ I WAS THERE WHEN WE WERE SHIT ¿? ¿? ¿?

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PINKY
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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by PINKY » Sat Dec 24, 2011 5:14 pm

Now that WAS good 27. :lol: :lol: :lol:
atb
pinky 8)

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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by Paul Keller » Sun Dec 25, 2011 10:29 am

Wicked Mr Woods sir ! Wicked !
Then it's Trooper this, an Trooper that
And Trooper how's yer soul?
But it's "Hawks are bloody 'ero's"
When the tanks began to roll!

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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by 27 » Thu Jan 05, 2012 1:35 pm

Scouse EDL members forced to distance themselves from Liverpool FC


Liverpool-based members of the English Defence League are today distancing themselves from the Anfield club after its continued conduct in the Luis Suarez racism case.

The club’s criticism of the FA and the independent panel, despite accepting the ban, has left many as confused as Andy Carroll in Manchester City’s penalty area.

One alleged Kopite angrily said, “Well, someone may have told you that I have a season ticket but they’re wrong.”

“I’m afraid your source is about as reliable as a Uruguayan striker.”

“Saturday afternoons I’m always protesting about Muslims or something like that anyway, and I’d never stoop as low as to pay to go watch Liverpool.”

The EDL itself quickly issued a statement to clarify its position, which when compared to Liverpool’s, looked as if it had been written by Shakespeare.

The statement read, “The EDL utterly condemns Liverpool’s conduct in the Luis Suarez conduct.”

“The arguments of Kenny Dalglish and others are as useless as selecting Stewart Downing in the starting eleven – and that’s pretty useless.”

“Their good reputation and tradition is vanishing quicker than a half-decent car left unguarded in Croxteth.”

“And they’re not taking us down with them.” :lol: :lol: :lol:


27,
YOU SIGN PHIL JONES :-( :-( :-( WE SIGN KUN AGUERO :-) :-) :-)
C.T.I.D. :-) :-) :-) ⓜⓒⓕⓒ I WAS THERE WHEN WE WERE SHIT ¿? ¿? ¿?

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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by 27 » Mon Jan 30, 2012 9:44 am

Shock as moron discovered in 45,000 capacity football stadium

The world of football has been rocked its very foundations after footage from Saturday’s FA Cup 4th round tie between Liverpool and Manchester United showed one of the 45,000 crowd acting like a complete arsehole.

With football grounds being the last place on earth that people would expect to encounter morons, the footage has sent shockwaves through the football leagues.

“We are extremely concerned that one of the forty-five thousand people that attended the game was seen making racist gestures,” said a police spokesperson.

“We have to assume that as a result of this incident all football fans, players and management are probably racist too.”

“In fact it’s entirely reasonable to suggest that football is just one big racist hate mob chasing a ball around a field.”

Fans have expressed concerns that stadiums ringing out with songs such as ‘Who ate all the pies?! Who ate all the pies?! Fair enough, I’ll have some chips instead’, could become a thing of the past.

“Football grounds have always been considered a celebration of diversity and tolerance,” said Millwall fan Gary Barnes.

“I remember a few seasons ago there was a fella stood near me who expressed his dissatisfaction at a refereeing decision by suggesting that the referee was unsure of what his role was.”

“Several people within earshot fainted, but I managed to diffuse the situation by highlighting that the referee is only human and these mistakes tend to even themselves out over the course of the season.”

“No-one wants to see that sort of behaviour week in, week out.”

Top 10 football chants that fans now fear could disappear.

We hate stereotypes
The ref is only human
We wholeheartedly endorse the concept of a multicultural society
Where your wife takes it is none of our business.
We don’t feel threatened by homosexuality
With a packet of sweets and a cheeky smile, the opposing manager is great at kids parties.
We don’t particularly agree with that substitution, but you’re the boss.
Stand up if you think that women deserve equal pay
Oooooooooooooooooo, great goal kick aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!
If you support same sex marriage clap your hands :lol: :lol: :lol:


27,
YOU SIGN PHIL JONES :-( :-( :-( WE SIGN KUN AGUERO :-) :-) :-)
C.T.I.D. :-) :-) :-) ⓜⓒⓕⓒ I WAS THERE WHEN WE WERE SHIT ¿? ¿? ¿?

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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by 27 » Fri Feb 10, 2012 1:03 pm

Liverpool offer Anfield cat three-and-a-half year contract

Liverpool have looked to bolster their attack by signing the Anfield cat, who showed much more promise in the one minute he was on the pitch against Spurs on Monday night than Andy Carroll has all season.

Manager Kenny Dalglish was quick to move after watching replays of the ease and fluidity with which the feline striker ran into the box and bamboozled Brad Friedel.

Dalglish said, “He’s beaten the keeper with a confidence Dirk Kuyt could only dream of.

“Some of the pigeons up in the stands were cooing unhappily that he’d shown threatening behaviour towards them, but it’s all a bit of banter as far as I’m concerned.

“I’d like to see the FA’s independent panel prove it, anyway.”

Both parties are reportedly happy about the agreement, with the cat satisfied to bide his time at Anfield until a bigger club which can offer regular Champions League football comes in.

“When Kenny showed him the contract, he was really purring with delight,” revealed animal sport psychologist Rich Jones, on behalf of his furry client.

“Although it might have been because of the tuna sandwich which was on Kenny’s desk.

“Then when they were talking him through the goal and assist bonuses, and about how they were going to try to get the official Nike Premier League ball replaced by a ball of wool, he became distracted and started trying to get his paws on the liver bird on the ‘This is Anfield’ sign.”

“Still seems less temperamental than Luis Suarez at least.” :lol: :lol: :lol:



27,
YOU SIGN PHIL JONES :-( :-( :-( WE SIGN KUN AGUERO :-) :-) :-)
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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by 27 » Tue Feb 14, 2012 10:16 am

Liverpool issues long overdue apology for everything to do with Liverpool

The city of Liverpool has followed the example set by Kenny Dalglish and Luis Suarez to finally apologise for a string of Merseyside-related abhorrence's including Joey Barton, Derek Acorah and TV sitcom Bread.

Liverpool is also sorry to have inflicted Steven Gerrard, Edwina Currie, Ken Dodd and a long list of other famous names on the world.

“It’s time to clear the decks,” read a Liverpool City Council press release.

“We have so much for which we should say sorry and it is our hope that we can draw a line under the last few hundred years of the city’s history and move on.

“Desperate Scousewives, Dead Or Alive, the accent too – we’re so sorry about all of this.”

The city refuses to acknowledge that Nigel Lythgoe, Coleen Rooney or Peter Reid are Scouse and therefore will not be apologising for them.

But some Liverpudlians have hit back at the council’s stance. The Scouse Culture Group says Liverpool has been unfairly treated by the Press and “everyone for that matter.”

Both members agree that the city is a cultural melting pot with a global outlook .

“There is no prejudice in this city,” said the group’s co-president, treasurer, social media strategist and spokesperson for rural affairs Eunace Cottier.

“We welcome everyone and discriminate against no-one on the basis of where they are born or their personal views.

“I mean, who do you think we are – Manchester?” :lol: :lol: :lol:


27,
YOU SIGN PHIL JONES :-( :-( :-( WE SIGN KUN AGUERO :-) :-) :-)
C.T.I.D. :-) :-) :-) ⓜⓒⓕⓒ I WAS THERE WHEN WE WERE SHIT ¿? ¿? ¿?

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