Liverfool new signings

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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by PINKY » Sun Feb 26, 2012 10:40 pm

BUGGER..... :wink:

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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by 27 » Mon Feb 27, 2012 8:44 am

Liverpool fans have blamed a conspiracy between Manchester United, The FA, The Police and the Referee’s Association for causing travel problems ahead of their trip to Wembley.

A train derailment in Cheshire has caused delays for a handful of Scousers travelling to London for the Carling Cup Final against Cardiff.

Fans’ message boards were swamped with comments from irate fans.

Reds4EvaSingapore said: “this is Manu scum folt. They don’t wnt is to win so stopping uz frm getting to Wemblee.”

Thaigerrard93 added: “carnt blv police and fa let this happen. Scousers foreva!”

Freethesuarex1 said: “they just wnt us to loss. I hate thm.”

It is thought the travel problems will increase the number of loyal Liverpool fans using illegal internet streaming to watch the game to around 12m. :lol: :lol: :lol:


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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by 27 » Tue Feb 28, 2012 10:03 am

Dalglish: “This will be the first of many meaningless trophies”
Kenny Dalglish has promised that Liverpool’s Carling Cup victory over Championship side Cardiff City will be the first of many meaningless trophies that he will bring to Merseyside in his second stint as manager.

The Scotsman said, “This victory will inspire us to win more second tier trophies that a lot of other clubs just don’t bother with.”

Whilst major clubs now treat the Carling Cup as little more than an opportunity to give the reserves and youth team a day out, the victory has been greeted on the red half of Merseyside with scenes usually reserved for the second coming of Christ, or a Gerry and the Pacemakers reunion, with Dalglish saying that this was just the start.

“We could even win the Community Shield, if it wasn’t just for teams which had won a proper trophy the previous season.

“Is the Full Members Cup still going? What about that Leyland DAF one? What’s that called these days?”

Liverpool’s trophy cabinet, which has been bare since they stopped winning real cups six years ago, now proudly displays the trophy which has been won over the years by Oxford United and Luton Town.

Liverpool fan Mark Richards said, “It’ll be like the League Cup glory years all over again. You know, when a middling side like Leicester won it a couple of times in quick succession.”

Dalglish concluded, “This win was important for two reasons – firstly it’s a meaningless trophy in its own right, and secondly it means we can enter the promised land of low-status silverware: the Europa League.

“Now we don’t even have to try to finish 5th or 6th in the Premier League to qualify for that. Which is lucky.”

When reminded that Liverpool are still in the FA Cup quarter-finals, with a favourable home tie against Stoke and four of the six teams above them in the league already knocked out, Dalglish said, “Come on, let’s not get carried away.” :lol: :lol: :lol:


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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by PINKY » Sat Mar 24, 2012 6:19 pm

Did liverpool lose AGAIN ?????
love it :wink:
atb
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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by 27 » Sun Apr 01, 2012 5:19 pm

Just been to barbers and asked for a Liverpool haircut. Mess at the back, nothing on the sides and f**k all up front. He charged me £130m!! :lol: :lol: :lol:


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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by 27 » Tue May 22, 2012 4:18 pm

Kenny Dogleash starts working for sky tomorrow, he's putting my dish up at 9.00 am. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Sky sports have just confirmed the next person to refuse the liverpool managers job will have there benefits stopped. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Following Frank de Boer's refusal to speak to Liverpool they have turned their attention to his brother

Rupert is expected to arrive today! :lol: :lol: :lol:


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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by tigger » Sat May 26, 2012 12:46 pm

Ok to all our bitter blues

may I extend by belated congrats on winning the title

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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by 27 » Thu Jul 12, 2012 9:14 am

Andy Carroll loan availability alerts supermarkets

News that Liverpool boss Brendan Rodgers is willing to hear loan offers for Andy Carroll has alerted several supermarkets in need of someone to service their hard to reach top shelves.

Despite his height and long hair, Rodgers is concerned that Carroll will not fit into a style of football that relies on his feet, opening the door to other organisations to take on the young England striker.

Morrisons regional manager Simon Williams said, “Andy has been gifted genetically to be tall and quite strong, which makes him perfect for shelf-stacking.”

“And if rumours of his personal life are true, then he’ll fit right in with our Saturday staff.”

However Morrisons are not expected to have it all their own way, with Asda keen to see the player racing down their aisles in the not too distant future.

Deputy store manager Sheila Matthews explained, “He would become the centre of our team here at Asda and would be valued far more highly than at Liverpool – there’s even time and a half on Bank Holidays.”

“We’ve been looking for someone to really ‘own’ the top shelves here, and frankly I could see Andy dominating this area well into his 40s.”

“He’ll still have to buy his own uniform, though.” :lol: :lol: :lol:


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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by Paul Keller » Tue Jul 17, 2012 7:23 am

And so the comedy of errors that continues to thrive at Looneypool FC, raises the bar of incompetence yet again,
as that pony tailed Geordie pudding Fanny Carroll, becomes the subject of a return to St James Park, or whatever commercially useless shirt producing name it's now called, as Newcastle prepare to sign him on loan, (and only paying part of his grossley inflated wages), with a view to making it permenant at the end of the forth coming season.
Looneypool, according to the National Looney-left broadcaster, the BBC, want 20mill, if it does become permenant. Not bad that, only a loss of 15mill, now if Newcastle and Farts Direct owner Mike Cashley, thought he was growing in popularity up on Crimeside, following last seasons success, well to have made a 45% profit on a Jesus Christ lookalike (and thats about the best he'll ever do, looking like a Jesus stripagram at Hen parties) then his popularity is gonna go through the stratosphere at Biker Grove, where former childhood stars Ant and Dec will be able to return and join in the expected love-in for Mr Cashley.
Shankley and Paisley, (Bob, not the quietly bespoken Irish one) must be turning in their graves !
Then it's Trooper this, an Trooper that
And Trooper how's yer soul?
But it's "Hawks are bloody 'ero's"
When the tanks began to roll!

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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by 27 » Fri Aug 03, 2012 8:48 am

Liverpool improve West Ham Carroll offer by agreeing to take him back

Liverpool have improved their offer to tempt West Ham into taking British record signing Andy Carroll off their hands for next season by agreeing to take him back at the end of it, according to reports.

In an unusual development, the Merseyside giants have recognised their £35 million man has all the sporting potential of the average clothes horse, thus becoming an ideal fit for manager Sam Allardyce’s footballing philosophy.

A Liverpool spokesman said, “Trying to get rid of Andy Carroll off our books even as a temporary measure is like trying to secure a seat at the Olympics for the 100m – impossible unless you’re willing to lose a shit load of money.”

“It seems the only sure fire way to get someone to take him from us is to promise they can give him back.”

“Of course, if we happen to move stadiums whilst he’s away there’s always a chance he won’t find us.”

The England international is said to be unhappy with the proposal, citing the steep uplift in the price of a pint of lager down South as a serious stumbling block to some serious stumbling.

“Andy’s very disappointed,” said a spokesperson for the player.

“He’s needs assurances that he will not be ripped off like Liverpool were when they bought him.” :lol: :lol: :lol:


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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by tigger » Mon Aug 06, 2012 11:19 am

Andy Carrol on being interviewed by a Sky Sports Pundit, over the flurry of Transfer rumours confirmed verbally that he wants out of Liverpool and be allowed to go home to where he was loved and respected.

Barnados immediatly got on the phone and said come on then you big ugly bastard

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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by PINKY » Sat Aug 18, 2012 5:46 pm

GREAT START............... :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by Paul Keller » Mon Sep 03, 2012 7:17 am

As that famous American and black supremessist, Mr Martin Luther King once quoted, "I have a dream !!!"
Brilliant business tactics from Looneypools board of directors, there seriously challenging the Wankies at Blackburn for fastest relegation candidates of the century, bringing the Geordie pudding in was bad enough, but then letting him go without any replacement ????
Still takes the pressure off AVB at Spurs for who's first for his P45 !!
But back to the dream !!!
Dare we believe that relegation could be just around the corner at that bastion of Scouse wit and humour ????
Then it's Trooper this, an Trooper that
And Trooper how's yer soul?
But it's "Hawks are bloody 'ero's"
When the tanks began to roll!

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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by PINKY » Mon Sep 03, 2012 6:18 pm

Did liverpool lose AGAIN ?????
love it
atb
pinky 8)

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Re: Liverfool new signings

Post by 27 » Tue Oct 16, 2012 9:00 am

Liverpool plan commemorative home win to coincide with opening of New Anfield in 2020


Liverpool are set to reveal plans to deliver a commemorative home win to coincide with the opening of an extended ‘New Anfield’ some time before the end of the decade.

The Merseyside club are expected to announce plans to extend the capacity of their home ground to 60,000, rather than build a new ground to drop points on at Stanley Park.

Manager Brendan Rodgers has stressed he and his squad will do all they can to commemorate the new stadium’s opening with a victory.

“We have been working towards that from the moment I stepped through the gates of Melwood, and I am increasingly confident we can gather the three points on the day,” he told awaiting journalists.

“But we shouldn’t forget just how competitive the Spartan’s league is these days, and we’ve got around eight years to drop to that level and to find out exactly how tough it can be.”

The redevelopment will cost in the region of four Andy Carrolls and Liverpool will commit to building a hostel for all of the local homeowners being displaced to facilitate the expansion.

Liverpool chairman Tom Werner said, “We believe the plans show how committed we are to taking Liverpool football club to the very forefront of match-day seating way beyond that which is necessary.”

“Current projections show that every ticket holder have an entire section to themselves. Which will be nice.” :lol: :lol: :lol:



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